A letter to the 18 year old me

Reckless, stupid, obnoxious, wild, you named it. Been there, still there and almost done being there. There are so many should've and there are so many times I wished I could go back, although that is merely impossible for a mortal like me. Funny how within a year, I changed a lot and have different perspectives on so many things. So, before I turn 19, I dedicate this post for my dear 18 years old who had suffered from heartbreaks, foes and so much more

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Hi, Izzaty. Are you okay? Guess you're still in pain, aren't you? Don't worry, you'll be better. In fact, you won't believe how after 19, you'll have the best time of your life. Tho you might struggle still, I guarantee you it'll be better than what you're experiencing right now. Guess I should give you some of advising that would help you gain the happiness you've been longing for.

First and foremost, it's never okay to release your anger by punching the walls and smashing things,zat. It really is not okay. What you really need to do is just,  stay calm and let sabr and iman dominate you. Let it loose. I know it's hard but believe that Allah is watching,zat. You are stronger than the anger and ego within you. Take ambulation if you feel that something annoys or testing your temper, insyaAllah that will ease the fire within. Sometimes I know that we tend to not realize what's going on when rage gets the best of you. I know that no one knows how hard you've been trying to hold your anger. How you get easily annoyed with what people did to you. Sometimes you cried in silence and sometimes you can't help it, you cried in public. I know how hard you're trying to endure the things that people asked you to changed. All your little and big flaws that you have once embraced no longer have you embraced.

You try to be the best version of you but zat, why can't you please yourself first before you please others? Why is it so hard for you to love yourself more than you love the people around you? Why can't you take care of your heart and let it smashed, torn million of times? It's not okay. Never it is. You tried to fix things but broken things are so hard to fix, zat. You don't have the power. I know you've been through depression after you broke up. You lose weight, you lost yourself. You cried, you made your parents worried, you made your family worried and you made Allah worried about you. All the little things that you secretly did for someone, all the little things you did for everyone regardless,  and everything oh zat, you've done more than enough.

Nonetheless,zat, don't ever let emotion get the best of you. You let it best during your final. You let yourself down so, act wisely and be brave. Be the kind of woman everyone can respect. Be that woman who everyone loves to be around with. You're not dramatic nor an autocratic leader, don't let what they have to say about you get the best of you. You're not too hard to deal with, zat. And the way you speak, trust me it's not that harsh. You're just a perfectionist and you know what you want. You're just being real about yourself and those who can't accept you for who you are, let them be. You're a sensitive kind of person. But don't be too sensitive. It's not healthy. Love the people who have hurt you, but don't ever be like them. You befriended people who have hurt you countless of times so, stop. Cut the connection. Oh, you don't have to worry about who's gonna be your next man. Allah has written your spouse name long before you were born so chill out, be the best version of you first and when the time has come, you'll meet before you even know it. I'm glad you're changing. I'm glad that you didn't forget about Allah, the Almighty, the All-Hearing and the Most Forgiving.

To be honest, you've done pretty well surviving. You're a wonderful person. If you do not feel pretty on the outside, be pretty on the inside. Tan is also a beautiful complexion too, remember that. Change your mindset. And that crooked teeth of yours, let it be. You don't have to wear braces,zat. Be unique and be different. As long as Allah love the way you look and embraced your inner and outer self, everything will be alright. Sabr and be tolerant. That's the key to having an amazing life. That it is, don't ever stop praying and smile. Cause our dimples are our best asset after all !!! xoxo